So, it’s been a while since I’ve been on this site, and I did not wat to go much longer without at least posting a short message. My last post was just before Thanksgiving, and since then I have had a lot of topics to come to the Table with. However, it seems that a lot of these post that I am working on has me feeling a bit overwhelmed, but in a somewhat good way.
It seems that I have absolutely no shortage of ideas and subjects to talk about on this site. It’s as if almost every other day I am being bombarded with topics and things to consider in my future posts. Honestly, there are times that I feel a bit overwhelmed, but in a good way. This basically means that there are times when all I can do is to write down the topic, or even start to write the blog itself, and then put it on the shelf for editing in the future. As a writer, that kind of inspiration is such a blessing, because it points to the fact that the gift is still flowing. The problem (at times) is the fact that there are periods where there are so many other tasks that I must handle that my writing must be put on the back burner for a day or so. Case in point, my last blog was posted before Thanksgiving, and from the week of Thanksgiving until today, my schedule has been completely different and very hectic. There are times where I am so exhausted that the thought of writing at the end of the day is nothing more than a pipe dream, and all I can do is to put the computer away and aim to get to it the next day. In this new season of my life I am learning how to balance within these new norms, and it’s a bit hard for me at times because I never want to miss accomplishing anything.
And so, as I am looking at the end of a very tough year, I am also looking forward into 2023 with one question: where do I start? With everything that has been handed to me to do, and with everything that God has gifted me to do, how do I balance everything and move forward in a productive ebb and flow? The Bible says in Matthew 19:26, “with people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” This means that I have to move myself out of the way so that God can move through me as He desires. Within my own strength and know-how, I cannot accomplish anything. Therefore, I must put my trust in God to help me to do these things. With this in mind, I know that everything that is necessary will be accomplished, and the unessential tasks and ideas can be placed in the Master’s Hand until He is ready for me to go forth with it all. On my own, I would absolutely implode in a sudden surge of anxiety, and I would find myself in a stagnant and unproductive state. Seeing that I have been working hard to get past that type of reaction to life in general, Ireally do not want to go back to that again. Instead, I will have to take each day as it is, and ask the Lord to help me to navigate through the day in the best way possible.
To answer the question, “where do I start,” I guess the simplest and best answer would be “with prayer and fasting. This is the best way to start, because fasting strips us of the carnal inclinations and appetites that can oftentimes interfere with our fulfilling of the Kingdom agenda as it pertains to our lives, both collectively and individually. As we are being emptied out of self by the act of fasting, prayer fills up with God and His agenda. With this endowment He gives us the blueprints for the things that He has ordained for us to do in the Earth, and gives us the strength and wisdom to follow through.
There is so much that I want to pour out on this platform. However, I am wanting to pour out according to God’s divine timing. I am excited about this new place in my life, and I am encouraged by the fact that God is with me in this place.
So, that’s all I had for this particular post. There are more to come, and I am sure that they will be as much of a blessing to you as writing and praying about the topics have been to me.
This is a statement that we hear in so many praise and worship songs, and it is the sentiment of the testimonies and stories of God’s people being able to overcome insurmountable obstacles. God is indeed our everything. The unfortunate fact is that there are primarily two times when we would declare and/or fully believe that: first, coming out of a fiery trial; second, before trouble hits our doorsteps. Oftentimes when we are in the middle of trying times, we can easily forget this truth, which is why we often struggle the way we do, and for as long as we do. At least, this is what sometimes happens with me when I am going through hard times.
As humans we were created for fellowship and comradery with one another, but we were also created to have these interactions with God Himself first before anyone else. The problem could be that we are sometimes conditioned by way of life’s circumstances to rely on who and what we see, instead of relying on God. This very well could be the case for most of us, simply because we are unable to physically see Him. It is imperative that we internalize the fact that God is our everything, and cling to this truth when we find ourselves in fiery trials and in uncomfortable places. By doing so, it becomes a bit easier to walk by faith and not by sight, as it says in the Bible. Our faith is the exercise of believing that which has become our reality, even and especially when we do not see the manifested proof of said reality (compare to Hebrews 11:1). Thankfully, to help us get into a place where we can do this, we have a plethora of examples in the Bible to glean from, helping us to learn how to make this our reality, no matter what it is we may be facing.
For this post, let’s look at the call to duty by God to Moses, the former prince of Egypt and the chosen deliverer of the Children of Israel.
“And God said unto Moses, ‘I AM THAT I AM.’ And He said, ‘Thus shalt thou say unto the Children of Israel, ‘I AM hath sent me unto you.’ “
Exodus 3:14, King James Version.
In my personal and yet humble opinion, Exodus chapter 3 has to be one of the most fascinating chapters in the entire Bible. We’re given a glimpse into the life of an 80 year old Moses who is a shepherd over his father-in-law’s sheep, and within a few short verses we are shown the dramatic paradigm shift that takes place in his life. One moment he’s tending to sheep, and the next minute he encounters a burning bush–a dramatic sight that God uses to get Moses’ attention and to summon him into a new place in Him. This is the point in his life where God transforms this humble shepherd into a force to be reckoned with for the Kingdom of God. In this impactful moment, Moses was being commissioned as the leader, prophet, and deliverer to the children of Israel, and as the face of the Heavenly opposition to pharaoh and the demonic system of oppression brought on by the Egyptian powers-that-be.
Part of this transformation and assignment was that Moses had to learn about who and what God is. When we look at the first two chapters of Exodus, it is quite possible to assume that due to his upbringing (being nursed by his own mother until the age of weaning) and his turnabout (turning away from the pleasures of the Egyptian palaces) in his adult years, Moses could have been somewhat familiar with the God of Israel and about His historical fame amongst the children of Israel. Even if this was the case, the culmination of this, plus his time away from Egypt while living in Midian, along with his encounter with God in chapter three, was all used to allow Moses the space and time that he needed to find out who God was to Him as well as to all who are called by His Name.
For Moses, this point of contact with God on Mount Horeb was not only an instructional conversation between him and God, but even more so an informational meeting for himself. The fact of the matter is that Moses had to come to know and understand the truth about God and His power and love for His people as well as for himself. When Moses asked about God’s Name in Exodus chapter 3, God responds first with, “I AM THAT I AM!” The Children of Israel needed to know this about God, but so did Moses as a leader and the one who was hand-picked by God to be the deliverer. After all, how can one teach others about the power and the character of God unless they first know this for themselves?
When I look at this statement, “I AM THAT I AM,” I am reminded that depending upon the translation of the Bible that one may be reading, one may see the scripture say, “I AM WHO I AM,” or even “I WILL BE WHAT I WILL BE.” As for me, my first introduction to this particular scripture (Exodus 3:14) came from the KJV, saying “I AM THAT I AM.” In all of the ups and downs that life has brought to my doorstep, that phrase and the principles therein are what I have had to learn how to cling to, in order to make it through tough situations. God has a way of letting us know that wherever there is a gap to be found in our lives, He is the one that fills it with His presence, grace, mercy, power, wisdom, and love. He is literally everything that we need, and every tangible need that we may have already exists in His hands as He waits for and schedules the proper time to make these things manifest in our lives.
For example: as a single woman, I am often battling against loneliness, feelings of isolation, and will oftentimes equate my present state as a version of the Isle of Patmos (in reference to the solitary and imprisoned state of John the Apostle). There are times when I can go and hang out with friends and fellow church members, but most of the time I may not have the opportunity to do so for a number of reasons. So, what do I do when I am longing for someone to talk to and to conversate with? This may seem to be cliché to some of you, but I literally talk to God. For me, having even a simple conversation with God fulfills my emotional needs as well as my mental and spiritual needs. Furthermore, even though I cannot physically see Him, His presence is overwhelming and fulfilling.
Now, when it comes to talking with God, I am not just talking about times of prayer and intercession and such. The moments of conversation and communion that I am referring to are the moments of prayer that take place while I am up and about, or moving around the house. These moments are for me and Him, as I am pouring my heart out to Him, confessing my faults and frustrations and giving a voice to my hopes and dreams for the future. In these moments I will literally talk out loud to Him as if He were there, because for me He is! Not only do I talk to Him, but I will also listen for His response as He speaks in the still and small voice (compare to 1 Kings 19:12). This is one of the things that God does for me that helps me to not only endure the physical isolation, but also embrace it. After all, who better to present the tough questions to than the God of our salvation and the creator of Heaven and Earth?
There are going to be moments in our lives when we look at the landscape of our present situations and wonder how are we going to make it through to a better day, or even to any sort of blessing that we are seeking from the Lord. We have to remember that every time we ask the question, “How am I going to accomplish or acquire this or that,” God is there, ready for us to ask Him that question so that He can tell us, “I AM THAT I AM!” What this means is that God is big enough to fit into every single situation that we can and will encounter, and powerful enough to bring it all to the point of breakthrough, blessings, peace, joy, and security in Him. God wants us all to remember that He is THAT I AM, as if to say, “that thing that you are in need of, I am THAT for you!”
God is Your I AM.
In times when we are in need of help or intervention in our personal problems and obstacles, asking “who can I go to with these issues and needs, God wants to tell us, “I AM WHO you can turn to, always.” When looking towards tomorrow and wondering “how am I going to get through tomorrow, when today was so incredibly hard,” God would be there to say, “I WILL BE, because I promised to never leave you nor abandon you.” There is nothing in our lives that we He can’t help us through. We just have to make it our business to turn to Him always, making this a healthy daily habit.
In this season I have found myself re-learning these things and actively reminding myself of the many other benefits that come with being a child of God. I have asked myself these very questions that were mentioned in the previous paragraph, and in order to get the answers that I need, I must listen for the still and small voice. No matter what my questions are, and no matter what His answers may be, we must all walk in the revelation that God is the I AM that we are in need of, and He will forever desire to be so for us all. I cannot say that it’s always an easy thing to remember, nor will I be foolish enough to say that it’s an easy walk. However, I do know that understanding and internalizing the truth that God is the I AM that fulfills every need that I may have is something that I strive to do on a daily basis, and that this truth helps me though my toughest times. If we can get this truth down into our spirits, the hard things that we face may not be always easy, but they can and will always become easier in comparison to what it would look or feel like if we tried to go forward without Him being our I AM.
I think that it’s important to know that God wishes to be our personal everything, our very own I AM. So often, we as the people of God will seek the I AM and even preach the I AM to those who are in need. However, we can also forget this truth when it comes to our own needs, as if to say that God is a “corporate” God and not a personal God. As much as He loves the world and His creation, we must remember that He loves us as individuals as well as members of one body. He is not only concerned with those whom we pray and cry out for, for He is also concerned about the personal struggles, issues, desires, prayer requests, hopes and dreams that we all carry. In this season of re-learning these things about God, this is one that I really have to work on, because I have come to realize that I have let a lot of personal requests sit on the shelf or tucked away instead of bringing to the Father. This will be a future topic for another transparent post.
Conclusion
Just like what we see unfold in the life of Moses in Exodus 3, we all have either had or will have an encounter with God that will help to shape who and what we are. In that encounter, God will reveal Himself as the I AM for us personally and also for those whom we are connected to. Before Moses could deliver a nation of people into their own nation under God’s sovereignty, he had to know and accept that God was going to be everything he needed in order to complete this task. Moses had to understand that as the chosen leader, there were going to be only a few people that he could lean on, and that even then there would be times when he couldn’t even lean on them. He had to know and understand that God, as the I AM, was going to be the fulfillment of whatever Moses was personally needing. Therefore, Moses was not only commissioned to be the leader, deliverer, and the prophet to the nation, but he was also to be the example of what it meant to rely on God for everything—from daily personal needs to the needs of the nation as a whole. We may not be called to literally lead a nation of people out of bondage in the same way that Moses did, but we are all meant to be the example of what it means to rely on God and how to receive the benefits and blessings that comes from such a life.
My prayer is that we all would allow God to be our I AM, so that we can be all that He has called and designed us to be. We are not meant to walk this walk completely alone. We were meant to do this thing called life with the help and the guidance of the Great I AM.
I AM is who He is!
Until next week, be blessed everyone, in Jesus’ Name!
P.S. If this post resonates with you and your walk with Christ, please feel free to leave a comment about how you are learning to rely on God in this season of your life!
“…Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 2:3
In last week’s post, I began to talk about what it means to lose the will (or desire) to endure for the sake of the Kingdom of God. More specifically I described how I went from being thoroughly on fire for Christ to seemingly hanging on by a thread to my faith and will to be pleasing to God. I can honestly say that I am so disappointed with myself for letting such a thing happen to me, but I know that God is going to use that part of my relationship with Him to reach others who have also found themselves weary in well doing. So, to that point I say, “to God be the glory!”
As promised there are some things that I wanted to talk about further, and so this post will dive a bit deeper into the aspects of a fading sense of faith and conviction. The first thing that I want to talk about is the concept of being “ritually clean” before the Lord.
Ritually Clean vs. Purified
“For the priests and the Levites had purified themselves; all of them were rituallyclean…” Ezra 6:20a.
Years ago I was spending some much needed time in reading the Scriptures, and I began reading about the rebuilding of Jerusalem and the Temple in the book of Ezra (I was going through my own season of “rebuilding” at that time in my life). While reading, I came to the 20th verse of Ezra 6, and the term ritually clean was something that really struck me. What was so interesting about this term is what it could imply in a broad sense. The Priests and the Levites had a prescribed way to interact with the things of God, making absolutely sure that they adhered to the instructions that God gave to them through Moses, in order to be considered even remotely fit to do the job that was laid upon them at birth. Their garments, physical stature, and everything about them had to be on point in order to be found “ritually clean” enough to come to God and perform the duties on behalf of the nation as well as on their own behalf.
The thing to remember is that this was just the point of order for their appearance and the customs of their jobs, and it was meant to be an outward sign of their heart towards God and His will for their lives (clean, purified, in order, obedient, submitted, etc.) When we read through the scriptures, we see unfortunate examples of priests and Levites who were only ritually clean (outwardly) and unclean (inwardly) when it came to their heart or intention for fulfilling their duties. People like Korah (Numbers 16), Nadab and Abihu (Leviticus 10), Eli, Hophni, Phineas (1 Samuel 2:12-36), and others were examples of how one could look at their outward appearance and assume that their heart was also in alignment, primarily based on their appearance and their position, even though it wasn’t true.
Here’s why this was so important to me in that season years ago and even now: I never wanted to become a person who was only ritually clean before the Lord. In many ways I felt like Jonah, praying from a pit that welcomed me after I made erroneous decisions and lost sight of who I am called to be in Christ. I wanted nothing more but to serve Him with all of my heart and soul, putting my will away in exchange for His, but I had to get into a place where I remember that this was my heart’s desire. I realized a while ago that my obligatory sense of obedience was an indicator that such a thing had happened. When this becomes a reality, the alternate routes into disobedience, the sins of our past, the temptations of the present, and the losing of the hope for the future can become easier and easier to adhere to, and it will alter our sense of worth and change the way we see God as well as others. As I said in the previous post, this is a rather dangerous place to be.
I can honestly say that I am truly grateful that not even this frame of mind is outside of God’s love or His reach! For me, a sense of compromise when it came to how I was supposed to live my life actually became a feasible and acceptable notion in some areas of my life, when it should have been an absolute abhorrent idea to consider. No matter what the sin may be, and no matter how one came to the point of walking in sin, the wages are still death. But thanks be to God because there is no sin that is more powerful than His transformative power as it is applied to those who will come before Him with a heart of repentance and a will to serve Him. His gift is everlasting life through Christ, and the benefits of this severely outweigh any instant and finite gratification that can come from any sin. Furthermore, I am so grateful that God finds us wherever we are, and will do a work within us in order to transform us. We as His people do not have to settle for being merely ritually clean. We can allow God to do a work within us that will deem us (by His Holy standards) as purified vessels of honor, ready to be used by Him for our good and His glory. This truth is something that we must tell ourselves daily, especially when we are in a season where we are rebuilding what we have let fall apart in our relationship with Christ. I believe that deep down within us all lies a deep-seated desire for purification as well as a determination to follow after Christ. We must activate it with a faith-filled “YES” to Him and to His will for our lives!
One of the things that I think about the most in times like these is that within my life God has given me such awesome people to keep me accountable and to correct me when the need to do so arises. Two of those awesome people are my Mother and my Mother in the Gospel. At different points in my life they were able to see the things that were changing in me, and were wise enough to pray for me and warm enough to love me through it. As a result of such love and covering, I have always been able to share with them the things that are going on with me and the things that keep gnawing at me—even when I may feel as if I cannot tell them, due to my own sense of shame and guilt. I remember telling them both at different times that I fully acknowledge that I am not where I should be, and that there is more for me than what I see now, and that I trust and know that God will get me to that point if I only continue to believe and really press towards the mark. I also told them that in the seasons where I seemed to fade in my faith or in my willingness to endure hardship like a good soldier, that the Lord has always kept a pilotlight lit within my soul, and that this was the reason why I could not completely turn my back on the God of my salvation and the Keeper of my soul.
A pilot light (literally/naturally speaking) is a small gas flame that acts as the ignition source for a larger and more powerful burner or flame. Within our homes, pilot lights are meant to remain lit all year around, so that anything that runs on gas can be immediately ignited in order to provoke a larger and more powerful flame for standard operation of the appliances connected to it. The pilot light ensures that I can use my stove, oven and have access to hot water whenever I need it. Even when I am not at home, it stays lit, basically making every gas appliance operate on standby until I need to use them. Spiritually speaking, God has done the same for me.
As crazy as it seems to me that I let myself fall into a place of apathy in some parts of my walk with Christ, I can honestly say that I did not fully walk away from Him because there has always been a piece of me that knew that I cannot and will not survive without Him, and that my rightful place is with Him and in Him. In addition to this, at His word, His beckoning, His nudge, and the feeling of His mighty Hand pulling me up out of the pits of depression and sadness, He would put a demand on the pilot light on the inside of me and cause me to shake off the dust that had accumulated from the periods of inactivity, which would prompt me to charge forward in Him and for Him. Sometimes it came in the form of a revelation from reading the Word of God, and at other times it came from just being around those who keep me accountable because their presence reminds me of who I am and whose I am. When the larger flames were ignited, I happily burned for God again and for more of Him.
The most interesting thing about this pilot light that God has placed within us all is that it is not only meant to ignite a larger and more powerful flame for our use, but it is also meant to ignite the purification process within the soul of the believer, in order to purify the heart and the mind, the will and the emotions of those who have committed themselves to Him. Just as God had promised to His servants the Levites, He can and will also purify us as His people so that we all can offer to Him an offering in righteousness (Malachi 3:3). As He ignites us, He does a work on the inside of us so that we can be thoroughly processed and purified of self and selfish ambitions and desires, in order to be trusted to do the work that He has called us to do.
Consistency and Proper Maintenance is Key
One of the main issues in keeping myself ablaze with a godly zeal for Christ was the fact that I did not properly maintain the flame or the push. Thankfully, I am now at a point in my life where I am daily learning what it means to maintain it on this level of my walk with Christ. What I did yesterday was fine for yesterday, but today brings about its own challenges and revelations. No matter what the day may bring, I have to start my day with a mindset to seek God and to do His will—no matter how uncomfortable the execution of the tasks may be. Honestly, in this season my love for God is continuing to grow and flourish, and the very thought of how much He has loved me through the ups and down of my faithfulness (or lack thereof) is simply awe inspiring. Who wouldn’t want to serve the One whose grace and mercy keeps us from utter destruction, and carries us into a place or repentance and rededication to Him? He is indeed faithful, and I am so very happy and humbled that He is loving me enough to teach me all over again what it means to daily walk in victory as well as what it means to truly carry the cross and follow after Him.
Conclusion
As I stated in last week’s post, there exists no good or valid reason for a person to walk away from the Lord after experiencing just how good and awesome He truly is, and so I will not be as foolish to say that these posts are my reasons for why I spent a period of time in a less than proper posture before the Lord. What I am aiming to do is to describe some of the feelings and symptoms of the overall diagnosis—losing the will to endure—in the hopes that others who are feeling the same way can see that all is not lost and that God is still very much in love with them.
Today I can honestly say that I am willing to endure because not only has He endured for me on the cross, but He has also endured as I wallowed in self-pity, as I lost my sense of self, and as I was trying to figure out whether I was going to be all in for Him or not. Having a willingness to endure means that I am daily having to push aside my carnality, my will, and my personal feelings, all in order to walk the walk that God has ordained for me. Being willing to endure means that I thoroughly recognize that the way will not be easy, and that I may have to cry my way through some tumultuous times. However, like a good soldier, I know what I am fighting for, and I know that the Commander of the Host of Heaven has my back.
Being willing to endure also means that I am willing to submit to Him and to the purifying process that He brings us all through in order to turn us into the vessels of honor that He desires us all to be. When we think about fire and flames, we know that if we are physically touched by a flame or anything that has been lit on fire, it will not only burn our skin but also cause a great amount of lasting discomfort. The same can be said for the process of the purifying of the Lord, except for the fact that the only thing that is truly hurting is our flesh, our will, and our pride. The end result will be the feeling and expression of freedom and liberty that comes from the Lord burning away any and every internal obstacle and weight that would be meant to keep us down and out of alignment. God is truly worth it, going through the process to be used by Him. When we are through and coming out on the other side, we shall be presented as pure gold (Job 23:10).
To Him, my soul and spirit says YES!
On that note, I will end this particular post with a simple HALLELUJAH! I pray that this post will reach those who are finding themselves either weary or floundering in their faith, and that they that are in this current state of mind will realize that they are not alone, and that what God has done and is doing for me can and will be done for them, through Christ Jesus our Savior.
Thank you for stopping by Heaven’s Table!
Until next time, be blessed and encouraged in Jesus’ Name!
How does a person who dwells and operates within the Body of Christ go from being on fire for the Kingdom to distant and lukewarm? Why is it that a minister of the Gospel can be found in a flourishing state regarding their ministry one day, and then living in a state of apathy the next time you see them? Well, I cannot speak for all ministers, but I can definitely tell you “why” from my own perspective and experience, and I can even tell you how I got there.
Remember: God is Always Good.
Before I go any further, I do want to make it perfectly clear that there exists no valid reason for a person to step away from God after they have experienced the beauty, the power, the grace, and the unending love of God, even though it is sometimes an unfortunate occurrence. If one has truly experienced such things as these within their spirit as well as their soul, they will tell you that there is absolutely nothing and no one who can compare to God! A person like myself knows that all too well. So, what does one do? Instead of walking away from God, a person like me would begin to step back from the things that they once found joyous and praiseworthy, yet attempt to remain close enough in order to to appear to be counted among God’s willing workers. This particular dynamic is what is referred to in the Bible as being “ritually clean.” This will be further discussed in parts two of this particular post.
There came a time within my walk with Christ where I began to increase in wisdom, understanding, and a genuine fire for all things God. I loved everything about the Bible, enjoyed going to church and fellowshipping with others, and spending time in prayer was an absolute joy. In fact, I can remember having to get up and get ready for work, and dreading the fact that I couldn’t stay there all day in prayer. I would never say that things were perfect, but I will say that I was determined to go all the way with Christ. As wonderful as it was to feel grounded and completely satisfied with God and His plan for my life, a season came about in my life where I began to experience some of the things that I had only heard about or read about in scriptures and books by Christian authors who were chronicling their journey from sin to salvation and through the dark and despairing valleys. In 2 Timothy 2:3, the Apostle Paul writes these words to his son in the Gospel: “Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” In the KJV, the word that is used instead of suffer is “endure.” One thing that I did not realize within the early years of my salvation is the fact that it is so very easy to endure when you are not faced with the heavy artillery of a military onslaught from the enemy’s camp, or being consistently pelted and even pierced by the weapons that have been formed against you.
As I continued to grow and mature in God, I was taken through tumultuous seasons that were designed to destroy me in regards to the enemy’s agenda, but meant to make me stronger and turn me into a fierce Kingdom Warrior who means business, according to God’s plan for me. God was (and is) always faithful, and he carried me through seasons of chaos when I was too fatigued within my soul and spirit to fight, but after a while, I found myself growing weary of the fight in general. In this state of mind, it can be a dangerous thing to keep going without stopping to take a breath and really allow yourself to get in/stay in tune with the Lord and His love for you and your love for Him. Keeping the Kingdom agenda in mind can convince you to keep going, because you decided a while ago to go with God wherever He desires to take you. However, in the middle of battle fatigue and weariness even in well doing, one can find themselves going from on fire for Christ to an obligated servant. What this means is that the passion for God is becoming less and less of a factor, and the driving force is actually one of obligation–to keep a promise, just because you know it needs to be done, and simply going through the motions. God indeed loves a cheerful giver (not just financially, but in every act of service to Him and for His Kingdom), but what He doesn’t take joy in is the begrudging way we often do things for our churches, for other people, or even for Him when we have lost sight of why we do what we do for Him.
How Did You Get There???
So, let me tell you about some of the seasons of fighting that I had to walk through. I won’t go into great details, because then this particular blog post would turn into a book or an anthology! But I feel it necessary to give some examples of what I have gone through in order to clearly display what I have learned as a result.
In some seasons, I found myself at odds with people whom I had held close to me. I am not talking about just the occasional argument or a difference of opinion, but rather times where I found myself feeling pushed away, rejected, and even proverbially spat on by those whom I felt close to. Now, I knew then that these things do happen, because people grow and people change as time marches on. However, what I was not prepared for was the way in which some of these relationships ended. To be perfectly honest, there were times when I felt broken, even shattered. The closer the person(s), the deeper the wounds can and will be when times of severing come about. In the midst of seasons like this, I began to realize that a big part of the reason why I was being pushed away or rejected was because of my faith, my determination to follow Christ, and my willingness to crucify my flesh in order to be used by God to the fullest extent possible. Coming into the Kingdom and receiving Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, you find out rather quickly that some will not appreciate your internal transformation. What I wasn’t necessarily prepared for (mentally) was the fact that sometimes these sorts of rejections can and will happen with people whom you labor among and fellowship with from within the Kingdom! Getting hit by an enemy arrow or bullet will always hurt, but getting struck by a co-laborer can bring one to their knees in grief. As I was coming out of that season of the initial infractions, I was still determined to go with God, but my passion for the journey was slowly fading.
Then, there were times when the enemy’s assault turned physical, having enough firepower to give off ripple effects that would be felt mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Growing up in the church, I remember hearing lessons and sermons on the persecutions of the disciples and the Apostles, and hearing about how there were times when the devil would stir up a person(s) so much that they would try to inflict physical pain, as was the case of just about everyone we read about within the New Testament–including but not limited to Jesus Himself. But, within all of these preachings and teachings, I do not remember anyone ever talking about this sort of thing happening to them. It was always taught in an allegorical style rather than in a real life application on the types of battles that God’s people will sometimes face as they continue to serve Him (especially for His prophetic and apostolic ministers). In fact, it wasn’t until I was an adult when I would hear about some of the near fatal incidents of God’s people, and about how the enemy tried to take them out, but God not only spared them but more importantly, caused them to ultimately prosper in their future endeavors!
Counting It All Joy… At First.
In the moments of my life in Christ Jesus when this happened on a comparatively minor scale, I (like many people) was able to laugh it off in a sort of “count it all joy” type of fashion. But the thing about the enemy and the way that he attacks is that he moves like a chess player. I am in no way giving any glory or credit to the enemy, but in order for any of us to be effective in our fight against him, we must understand how he operates. With that being said, it should have been clear to me that once he saw that the assaults that he was launching (in any aspect of my life) were not working against me, then he would change strategy and even weapons. When I finally realized that, I was in the middle of one of the worst physical traumas that I had ever had to endure. Now, I will say that by this particular time in my life, I had heard of how these things can happen, because the enemy will oftentimes do all that he can in order to fulfill his mode of operation (M.O.) as it is mentioned in John 10:10. It’s important to understand that hearing about it and walking through it yourself are two different things. When going through such seasons, our minds have to remain focused on God, and our hearts have to remain anchored in the love of God as well as our love for God. For me, I was so full of questions that I began to lose sight of the love I have for God, and about how in the worst of times, that love just may have to be enough to get me from in the middle of the fire to outside of the fire.
When I let different seasons, difficulties, traumas, offenses, tests, trials, rejections, and multiple levels of pain take my focus off of just how much God loves me and just how much I love God, it became easy to slowly slip out of the perfect place, the secret place (Psalm 91), and the grounded place. After a while, the things that once fueled me in my devotion to the King of Kings were being done out of ritual obligation, sometimes with not much fervency to be pleasing to Him. Don’t get me wrong: I loved God and I truly still do. I had a period of time where I lost sight of why I love Him, which led to the joy of my salvation slipping away from me for a period of time.
No Endurance
With all of these things (plus so much more), I found myself worn, tired, and no longer wanting to engage in the fight. Why should I engage in such a lifestyle, when it has already cost me so much? Why do I have to experience such crushing rejections from person after person? What is the purpose for my mental, physical, and emotional injuries and scars? Better yet, why am I not seeing some of my loved ones going through these things? All of these questions and more became my daily set of thoughts, and unfortunately hearing scriptures like, “it rains on the just and the unjust” wasn’t cutting through the grief and the fatigue. By then, I had officially lost the will to endure as a good soldier. I didn’t want to pick up my sword, fight another fight, even though I knew that through Christ we are guaranteed victory. I no longer wanted to go on another fast, or even pray or intercede unless I was called upon to do so. For me, this was a spiritually uncomfortable place, because I had been exposed personally to the joy and the peace that comes from serving God with one’s whole heart. But, no matter how uncomfortable I was in this stuck and stagnant place, I couldn’t shake the questions of why. It wasn’t until recently when I heard an answer that cut me deep:
“Jesus suffered greatly for you; are you not willing to do the same for Him?”
This was the gist of the revelation that hit me like an 18-wheeler. As I heard the Lord drop this revelation in my spirit, I remember standing there, dumbfounded. Speechless. Had I really become such a brat in the spirit that I was no longer willing to endure for the one who endured unimaginable traumas on every single level–just to make sure that I had access to eternal life and life more abundantly?
The realization hit me hard, because I had finally realized that I had let so much time go by without allowing myself to fully (re)connect to the God of my salvation, the true lover of my soul, and the One whose grace has kept me from falling all the way into a pit of despair and depravity. At one time, God was my hero! Through hurts and traumatic seasons of my life, I had allowed myself to keep Him and His awesome ways at an arm’s length, scared of what would happen to me if I should engage and move in the marching orders of God. So now, I am in a state where I have to daily remind myself of the whole-hearted “YES” that I gave to God once before, and how I truly meant it then. I am learning what that YES means for me now, and I am reaffirmed in my faith because I know that no matter what cannonball-sized hit I have or may have to take in the future, God is simply worth it!
Concluding Part 1.
What can I say about God? His unconditional love is truly sweet, His faithfulness knows no limits, and His Word and the power therein will act as a defibrillator when we feel as if we have nothing left to give Him. Just as He did for Elijah in the cave, He is faithful and willing to do this for us as well. I love Him, and I am in awe of just how much He loves us all!
Until next week, everyone!
Be Blessed In Jesus’ Name!
P.S., Thank you for stopping by Heaven’s Table! If this post or any other post resonates within you, please feel free to leave a comment.
“…to live holy before the LORD is indeed His plan for all who would come to Him, and that the key is to strive daily to live as such, with the help and strength of the LORD to do so. Here’s the bottom line: HOLINESS IS STILL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!”
Looking at today’s modern day 21st century Christian, there has become a very noticeable difference between people who profess to be Christians and those on whom you can see (and often times feel) the presence and push of and for holiness. For some odd reason, the two are not the same. Why is that?
To be Saved means that a person has come to the Messiah, Jesus, because they believe in Him as the LORD and Savior of the World. They come to Him humbly to confess their sins to Him, ask Him to forgive and wash them clean with His precious shed blood (acknowledging the fact that He died for our sins so that we would not have to), and then invite Him to live within their heart to be their personal LORD and Savior. To be Holy is, in a way, a believer reenacting this daily. They also look for ways to put away old habits or anything (or anyone) that would divert their attention away from Him as their Father and LORD. It also means that the person has made their life all about GOD and His will, set aside for His agenda in the earth, and they are able to do so while still enjoying life. They are in the world and yet not of the world (John 15:18-19, 17:16). The notion in settling in one of the two can be summed up and seen in these two statements: 1) Once saved, always saved (which is an erroneous teaching); 2) Be ye Holy, for I (your GOD) AM Holy (which is what He wants from all of us)! The second comes with a knowledge that we must repent daily for our sins (sometimes even throughout the entire day) and make a conscious effort to make the LORD Jesus the center of our lives. The reason: if we don’t, then we are prone to walk according to the desires of the flesh (our minds, personal opinions, and desires).
For years, I have heard people who claim to be holy condemn others for their undelivered ways (habits and tendencies that the Bible specifically forbids or warns us against). I have also heard some of those who say that they are Christian (saved) tell a person who strives to walk in holiness before GOD that “it doesn’t take all of that,” basically saying that the person of holiness is overthinking or being too zealous in their salvation. Although both comments and condemning statements are heard way too often, I am so very thankful that there is a portion of the Body of Christ who do not condemn in one way or the other. They have learned that to live holy before the LORD is indeed His plan for all who would come to Him, and that the key is to strive daily to live as such, with the help and strength of the LORD to do so.
Here’s the bottom line: HOLINESS IS STILL RIGHT!!!!!!!!!
What has happened to us as the Body that we no longer strive to put away old habits and carnal appetites? Why have we settled for the blessing of one scripture that says that if we confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that Jesus is LORD, then you shall be saved (Romans 10:9), and not bother to read the rest of the Book to see all of the treasures and blessings that GOD has in store for those who would push for and strive daily to live a life of holiness for Him? The Bible says, “Be holy for I am holy (1 Peter 1:16).” When did that become antiquated? Or, have we as people changed the very definition of holiness to suit our flesh and not our spiritual health? In today’s modern ideology, there is an erred belief that the rules change as the world changes. For example, the commandments and the laws found in Genesis through Deuteronomy are sometimes thought of as old, or for Biblical times, and sometimes even allegorical (in fact they see the entire Bible as such). But, this is just an excerpt from the same Book that says that these are ordinances for and through “all of your generations (Exodus 12:14 is just one example),” and that Jesus the Messiah is the Word of GOD (made flesh; John 1:14), and that He is the same “yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).” Nowhere in any of the 66 books do we see GOD speak (through the writers) that there will come a day when you don’t have to obey His commands, and that you can make your own rules according to seasons, times and flesh. So, what has happened? Are we as His proclaimed people no longer willing to read the Bible in order to gain the necessary strength to live a life that is holy?
May GOD forbid it, and may He open our eyes in this season, for this generation!
This is just something to think about. Are you satisfied with Saved, or are you striving to live Holy?
We’ll talk more about this at a later date. Until then…
Be blessed (and aware of your purpose and proper place in GOD) in Jesus’ Name!
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